Ranbir Kapoor turned 44 today, and his mother Neetu Kapoor marked the day with a photo and a short caption: "You're mine." The line spread quickly online. Some people saw simple love but most people saw possessiveness. The real question, however, is bigger than one caption. Why is deep mother-son closeness so accepted in Indian families, and when does it begin to hurt an adult son's relationships? There is a reason for this. In a culture where family is the main safety net, a mother's role is often her identity, her security and her source of respect. For many women, especially from older generations, being needed by a son is how they measure their worth. A "mumma's boy" is usually spoken of with a smile - a son who is devoted to his mother is seen as a good person. Closeness itself is not the issue. Warmth, care and regular contact are healthy. The trouble starts when closeness leaves no space for independence. Psychologists use the word enmeshment for relationships where emotional boundaries are blurred. One person's feelings and choices become so tied to the other's that it is hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. A useful way to tell the difference is to look at freedom inside the relationship. A few questions help: In a close relationship, the answer is usually yes. In an enmeshed one, love comes with guilt, and saying "no" feels like a wrong act. Over time, the wife and mother may feel they are competing for his attention, even if no one says it aloud. Because such rivalry is unspoken, it is harder to fix. It is also important to understand that in many Indian households, the daughter-in-law enters an existing hierarchy. She is often expected to adjust, stay quiet and avoid complaining. So when the son does not protect the couple's space, the burden falls on her. This is why the "possessive mother-in-law" stereotype is popular, but it is also incomplete. It blames one woman and ignores the system around her. We should also be fair. A birthday caption is not proof of an unhealthy relationship, and we know very little about the private bond between any celebrity and their family. Judging a mother from one line online is unfair to her. The better conversation is not about whether a mother should love her son less. It is about whether love can grow up along with the child. A mother's affection can stay strong, and a son's care for her can stay deep. But he must also be free to become his own person, a husband and a partner, without guilt. Senior Copy Editor at Times Network, Akanksha Arora covers Lifestyle, Culture and everything that falls under its big umbrella. When not writing, she ... View More