There is something deeply weird about modern relationships: we have never had more ways to stay connected, yet actually feeling close to someone can still feel like a full-time job. You can send your partner 47 memes before lunch, know exactly when they were last online and still have absolutely no idea what is going on in their head. That disconnect is at the heart of what Chinese sex therapist Tong Songzhen calls 'relationship blindness,' a phenomenon she believes is increasingly visible in modern society. Tong said that while people once spoke about being 'illiterate' and later 'aesthetically blind,' there is now another kind of blindness: struggling to understand, navigate and build genuine relationships. And honestly, it is a little too relatable. People often find it easier to tell a stranger their deepest secrets than to have an uncomfortable conversation with their partner. A late-night conversation with someone they barely know can somehow feel safer than saying, “I don't feel loved by you anymore,” to the person they have been dating for three years. But why is this? Because intimacy is not simply proximity. Being around someone constantly does not automatically mean you know them, or that they know you. Tong’s work highlights how relationship and sexual difficulties can extend far beyond the bedroom. She has worked with clients who lack basic sexual knowledge despite being highly educated, while others struggle with insecurity, communication and intimacy. Her point is that sex and relationships are not isolated from the rest of our lives; they involve physical, psychological and social dimensions. This is where 'relationship blindness' gets interesting. Many of us were taught how to get a relationship, but not necessarily how to have one. We learn the dating-app choreography: swipe, match, flirt, ghost, return three weeks later with a 'hey stranger.' We know the red flags. We know the beige flags. We have seen enough TikToks to diagnose our ex with seven attachment styles before breakfast. How do you tell someone you are hurt without turning it into an accusation? How do you listen without immediately preparing your defence? How do you stay curious about a person after the honeymoon phase disappears? How do you talk about sex, insecurity, boundaries, resentment or changing needs without treating the conversation like a relationship emergency? That is the part nobody really makes aesthetically pleasing. Research on intimacy has long pointed to the importance of being understood and recognised within close relationships. People can experience loneliness even while surrounded by partners, friends or family when important parts of themselves remain unseen or unspoken. And sometimes, the problem is not that we don't love people. It is that we stop seeing them. We assume we know what our partner will say. We finish their sentences. We stop asking questions because we think we already know the answers. We mistake familiarity for intimacy. Maybe that is the real danger of being relationship blind: not being alone, but being close to someone and never quite meeting them there. Because a healthy relationship is not just about finding your person. It is about continuing to know them. Simran covers books that start conversations, beauty insights, fashion moods, and stories that make people feel something. Off duty? You’ll find her c... View More